Words From Within

By Rosalva Ruiz (SuperNova)

I wouldn’t say
It’s a poem per say
It’s an out cry
From inside
Bleeding lines
Looking for a healing tonic
To induce an unfinished scar
While praying this pain
Is but another past
Another world
I can cast aside
Another reality
Written in paper
With this humble hand
Deliberating
If I should also
give it breath
Or just burn it
As if a secret mission
Never to be known.

Raw honey
That smoothens
My rough throat
Untying this knot
Giving reign
To this voice
To this pen
To this written page.

Glass like tears
Melted
Purified water
To be drank again
And again
Until others knots
Are untied as well.

Raw words
Not beautified
Just outlined
A beginning to an end
And end to begin
That is all…

Strand

There was no God
To be spoken to…

Broken

No miracle
No magic casted…

Broken

Just one strand
That one freaking strand
I hung to…

Clung

No matter how beaten…

Desperately

No matter how deep into soil…

Brazenly

Even when crumbled…

I clung

Clung to that
one shining strand…

And I

Depended of
That one and only…

Sanity

Today is a broken day…

Faith

Yet tomorrow will be
another page…

Yes

This one insignificant strand…

Sanity combined with faith.

Shadows

Shadows of my past
Biggest fears to surpass
The spiders from those dreams
Of toys and dolls
Arranged on my bed
Thus the lonely night
Sitting on the street.

La mano pachona
As well as la llorona
They seem to be lurking
Crawling, manifesting on my skin.

The abandonment from the embrace
From the extra gifts
In contrast to the child’s needs.
To the whispers of the crowd
Emphasizing arrows to its prey.

Afraid of the masked monsters
And their invisible claws
Of their unsolicited touchy feeling
Hiding behind a smile
And submissive with no flaws
Yet predators ready to pounce
When there’s a chance.

Yes, afraid of the two-faced
Of the blinded eyed
Of the slip tongued
Of the coldness in their heart.

Such darkness in the light
Childish it seems
But the scars
Are hard to heal.
Afraid
I still feel.

*prompt from HOWLS FROM EL MONTE weekly prompts

THE SAME, YET NOT REALLY

By Rosalva Ruiz

There is nothing worse than drowning oneself in agony and despair.  Just like a painting that seems exquisite to viewers; to the artist, each stroke comes with exploding emotions that either elevate your soul or bring you down to the depths of hell. The latter happened to me, to the point of almost no return. I didn’t even realize what I was doing tormenting myself with the way I felt and lived, until my 4th child arrived.  It was thanks to my sister-in-law that I met wonderful people who taught me how to love, express myself and say no when needed.

At first, I was skeptical with going somewhere without knowing what to expect; however, once I was there, my life changed. Without being afraid of being dejected, I finally spoke my wants and needs. A world full of possibilities was waiting for me and not just hopelessly await for the end of the day.  I finally understood that my past was getting the best of me, thus leaving me suffering with every step I took.

Of course, this doesn’t mean I don’t get depressed now, or that I don’t get anxious when I’m around people (which is kind of ironical since I’m a social event photographer). Anyways, I’m just saying that now I understand myself better and embrace my sad moments converting them in another stepping stone to keep on walking with my head held high. Not because of pride, but because that is also a part of myself.

Also, my life has been full of wonderful things that I didn’t pay attention to before since I was too engrossed with other aspects of my life.  Thanks to these encounters, I realized that through writing I could express myself better than in person. Thus I started writing almost a year ago.  Even though it’s still lacking in many ways, this is a path I have chosen.

I haven’t changed that much, at least that’s what I think; then again, I know that I am not the same as I once was.

*Hi, everybody, God bless. Once again, this is my story for the anecdote day of Mcallen Public Library. If anybody is interested here is the link:

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