This little doll

By RR SuperNova

A broken doll
I have at my home
It’s quite old
Yet precious
Unique and bold.

She looks fine
When given a glance.
Her eyes have become unique
Compared to today’s
Doll features at the mall.

One can tell
Her faint smile has passed
Through decades of soaked experiences
As well as bright sunny days.

She seems rough to the touch
Yet she’s soft and fragile
Like any other doll.

There is only one thing
That stings this poor doll
A broken record inside her soul.
She’s not able to express herself.
Only broken words come out as her sound.

I’ve thought of replacing her device
But then again
That would change
Her all.

You see
She’s got the loveliest
Of songs
Unique to her all.

So I’ve decided
To pull out that old rusty disc
Polish it
Fix some of the bumps
And also replace
Some of the broken strings.

It’s a big hassle
But it’s well worth it.
To give some love
To that
Which has been forgotten.

After finishing
Putting everything in place
I wound it up
It was just that perfect place.

I could almost hear the words
“Your faith was strong
But you needed proof”…
I felt the string
Resonating with my heart
It’s true
I have felt like that
I guess it’s my curiosity
Always getting the best of me.
I watched my classic doll
All fixed up
As I was hearing the song
And then
That part
That brings redemption
Into my soul
“There is a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn’t matter
Which you heard
The holy or the broken
Hallelujah”…

Just a beautiful song
Coming from my quite
Unique
And lovely doll.

I guess
It’s like advice given
From my grandparents
Who I’ve never known.

A Fight Within

Powerless encounter
I felt in my self.
I’ve realized
How frail life is
And how the mind
Plays insecure games.

Sometimes
It even dares to kill
Before one builds a barricade.
Even the steps
To stop every enemy within
Is hard to overcome.

A fight
Against my weaker self
Is to unfold.

Tired…
Even breathing
Is tiresome
But I want to live
So I breathe
And I dream
And make plans.

I tell myself
Come on
You can do this!
Just a bit more
Keep walking
Keep wishing
Keep longing
Don’t let yourself collapse.

Don’t…

Just don’t give in.

It might be the beginning
Of a long journey…

Maybe not that long…

Who knows
But don’t give in.

If you fall
Get up!
It doesn’t matter
how long it takes
As long
As you get up
Don’t give up!

Yes…
You are tired
But who isn’t?
Even though it hurts to live
It’s that feeling…
The feeling of pain
That echoes
That resonates
Existence itself.

Yes…
It hurts to touch
Yet to embrace
And be embraced
Can diminish the pain.
Maybe even
Goes away.

Yes…
It hurts to belong
And suddenly disappear.
But without forming warm bonds
Life would be monotonous and cold.

YES…

It hurts when you write
But don’t stop
Write until the pencil falls.
Trace that world
Don’t let it be lost
Into nothingness.

Don’t stop loving
Until your last breath.
Don’t hate
And don’t hesitate
Trust God
And trust in yourself
Give it your all!

This is just another trial
This is just another stepping stone
To a better self.
Hear that?..

It is the sound of
shackles smashing the ground
The sound of liberating yourself
Of shedding that weaker self
And opening your wings
Like being born again
You’re free!
To conquer
Anything you wish.

YES…
You can do this…

A Piece of Mind

During these days of the month I tend to be an observer.  Not that it helps on my daily life. It’s just that there is no other choice, either I do that and sit or stumble on anything, or become dizzy and fall. It’s just those type of days. I give a big praise to the doctors and nurses and anybody that has to deal with blood on a daily basis. I can’t even fathom the idea of smell of blood from my own body, much less from other people. I guess it gets stronger as my age advances.

On these days, I’m so happy that I was able to give birth to boys only. They won’t have to deal with this mess during all their life. Well they might get to deal with their spouse’s period cycles, but at least they won’t have to deal with the change of emotions, the hammering on the head, the pulling and itching of your breasts, the swelling and almost bursting of your fingertips, the tachycardia, the feeling of an infection in your most private part, the extra feeling of smell and hearing… Oh, and to top it off with the constant nausea and colic before and during those days. Now some women have it easy, they literally bleed for 3 to 5 days. But not me, no Sr. it has to be from 8 to 14 days.

So yes, it’s not justa a single itty bitty thing, it’s a conjunction of things that leaves no room to be happy, much less enjoy an active life during these days.

Hence, I do as much as I can before these days, since I know that during these days I will be like a lazy animal. In fact, I have instructed my kids on what to do during these days if by any chance I pass out in a dangerous place. The eight year old knows that he needs to call his dad first, and if it’s necessary, after calling his dad, he needs to call 911. The 5-year-old knows that he needs to take care of his 3-year-old little brother, you know, not getting things that might harm them or things like that. The 8-year-old is in charge, so he needs to take care of his 2 little brothers. Unless that his dad, grandma or aunt comes and pick them up they can’t go with anybody else. Otherwise call immediately to his dad, or his aunt and follow instructions from them.

I know it’s a big responsibility for an 8-year-old, but unfortunately life doesn’t give us a heads up. It just comes and gets what it wants when one least expects it and boy if I know.  If it weren’t for my sister’s information when we were in an accident several years ago. I don’t know how much time longer would we be in the hospital without a family member; and she was only 9. (Just in case, if anyone is interested I wrote about that accident a while back. It’s called “Angel with a gum.”)

Since I know that  this happens to me every month, I am in a way training them like how the schools do a fire drill. Is best to let them know ahead of time, than for them to panic and god knows what might happen. Wouldn’t you agree?

Diamond in the rough

This is a girl who loves to dream
She leaves behind her reality
And catches lucky stars
With her bare hands.

She awaits for her prince charming
In her dreams
However, she is the knight
That gallops in the street
In her real life.

She seems sweet in her dreams
With ribbons and pearls
Yet she has her grotesque
Character rooted in her soil.

She’s that doll
That is carefully
Sculptured by it’s artist.
And somehow
Her essence
Is brought up
By her alone.

She is just that
sparkling and precious
diamond in the rough.

When tomorrow comes

Baby can you see?
The stars are almost unseen
Come here…
Let me sing you a song
Of back in the day…
Twinkle, twinkle little star…

But momma,
What’s a twinkling star?

They are like lights in the sky.
We have changed them
For lights on the streets…

Baby, can you hear?
The movements and honks
Of the cars
No more serenade
From crickets in the night.

What are crickets momma?

Hmm? They were jumpy little fellows.
You see, even as small as they were
they had long and thin legs.
And boooy if they sang with them!
As if breathing for dear life.

Baby, can you smell?

The green stuff from over there?

Yes, the residual smell
From those manufactures…
There was a time
When the fragrance of gardenias
Was in the air.

What are gar, gard, garnas?

Gar-de-nias, they were flowers
White as snow
So fragile to this soil
They smelled sweet
Unlike this rusty metal floor.

Baby, see these seeds?
They are my last hope.
Promise me,
If some day we find a good soil
Let’s settle there
And see them grow.

Momma, can these pebbles grow?

Yes, if you take care of them
They need a good soil
They need water and sun
They are our last hope.

So promise me…
Even if you walk alone
If you see a good soil
Give these little seeds
A chance to fulfill their role.

Why alone momma?

Ah, well, just like the wind,
It comes from nothing
And goes without stopping.
It gives a twirl here and there
And also a light breeze
To whoever is there.
That’s how our fleeting life is.

Aww, don’t be sad baby
I’m here
And will always be here
In this little heart
And in this little mind.

You see,
It doesn’t matter whether
It’s the old days or today.
As long as there is love
We can find a new way…

ANGEL WITH A GUM

By Rosalva Ruiz

It was back in 1986 when my family was involved in a car accident. There was a bus full of people who helped us get out of our truck and laid us on the road. Although my vision was blurred by red stains, I saw her, my angel with a gum.

She may not know that she and it kept me mentally stable while watching my unconscious mom on my side covered in blood. On my other side, my sister trying to cover her pain with her arm on her eyes, biting her lower lip, laying there, as her legs were covered in blood as well. People surrounding us, whispering in disbelief as if we were some freak show from a roadside circus. And my red blurry eyesight that stung as I was watching it all.

She may not know that with this little piece of gum, she showed me the empathy from a stranger that I thought was long lost.

She may not know that thanks to this little piece of mint, I was able to breathe while my headache lessened and washed the iron taste in my mouth.

She may not know that it was thanks to her that I let the police officers take me and my sister into their car. It was thanks to that gum that I sat without a fuss while the doctor stitched my forehead.

And the most important of all, it was thanks to that gum that I did not despair when a doctor took me into his arms to see my shocked mom screaming, “Where are my daughters?!”
This invisible me in her eyes understood her state; yet I still cried while chewing that gum.

I have always wanted to say thank you; however, I don’t even know her name or where she is. The only thing I know is… The bow in her blouse made me think of angels wings.

Hopefully this time with this anecdote I can finally say,
“Thank you, my angel with a gum.”

* This is an anecdote I wrote for the “Mcallen Public Library Anecdote Day Contest.”

It will be held on July 5th, 2020 If anybody is interested on participating here is the link.